valentine oh valentine

our first valentine date as husband and wife din go exactly as planned. we were looking forward to having a nice lavish dinner and then popping over to chevys to end the night.
and i had to spoil it all ......

i just had to bring up the matter to him as soon as i got into the car and from that very instant i knew i made a hugeeeee mistake. i just couldnt hold my anxiousness to solve things till end of the night..... i am such a BumMer!! and then of coz yada yada yada, there was not much argument just alot of unhappiness. at first i felt so wronged.... like come on man ... i am not the cause of the problem. i am after the all the one who is so very torn between the 2 i love most. if only they knew right from the start i would do anything in my means to make them both happy.

anyway as we settled for a long dinner of Bak Chor mee (yeah ... bak chor mee for valentines), i began to realise not to see myself as the victim but to see things from other perspective. i knew he would eventually do anything to not make me unhappy at his own expense. i knew he would be angry at everyone else except me. i knew he would give up many more things just so that i could have more. and yet i expected him to see things from my perspective. i hate myself for making him unhappy and love him to bits for loving me more than anything else.

as dinner came to an end he hit me with one hell of a statement

r: y did you have to tell me b4 dinner?
t: i just couldnt bear the burden myself anymore. i had to share it with you
r: if i were you i would make myself feel miserable until the end of the day. i wont spoil your day with such burdens.

*sob*

i am so guilty of being selfish.

so dar, if you are reading this, pls pls know from the bottom of my heart that i would be so lost without you. i know i can be selfish when it comes to loving you and i promise to love you more each day. i never mean to hurt you or make you feel miserable. i thank God that he has blessed me with the best friend / companion / lover / husband one could ever have. thank you for always wanting only the best for me. love you to bits.